I've talked at length, both on here and on Twitter, about the way people, in particular women, without children are treated. I'm sad to say that this difference has become all the more noticeable now she has been born. My mum made me feel like I had joined some sort of secret society, although she does come out with some odd comments anyway. I notice the way that both her and her sister speak about my child-free aunt, there is such pity in their tones and a sense of looking down. Both women are kind and normally thoughtful, but there is something about discussions involving children that can seem to turn rational thoughtful women in to patronising creatures. I've had comments about how I must understand pain, love and fear now that I have a daughter. Having experience some extremely frightening and low moments in my life I find that distasteful, of course I love my daughter, of course I fear bad things could happen in the world but I was capable of feeling and empathising before she was born.
There is much support within elements of the child-free community and anyone who has read this blog or others that are similar will be aware of child-free bingo. (Essentially people making inane comments relating to your child-free state and the likelihood of you having children). My husband joked that now I was a mother I would end up making such comments, I really can't see that happening! Having experienced the frustration I wouldn't pay it forward. Some such gems that I have experienced, in no particular order:
- 'when will you make me a grandmother/great-grandmother?'
- 'you'll understand one day when (not if note) you have children'
- pain/love/fear/anger (delete as applicable) is more real when you are a parent
- 'why do you need to leave (on-time, ie. not to cover for a colleague who suddenly wants to change their shift), you have nothing to go home for'
- children make everything better/more fun, hmmm
Some of those comments have come at really inappropriate times, for example the first comment came very publicly from one of my husband's relatives at a family party, not long after I had had a miscarriage. Thankfully I was actually already pregnant again, I think if I had not have been that that would have crushed my very publicly. I don't tend to walk up to people and ask them 'so how often are you having unprotected sex', because it would be rude.
Long story short, the world now has another feminist to fight the cause!
